Whoa Nellie!

So I am sitting in the recruiters office today waiting for my appointment (that I thought was at 2:30, but it was really at 2:00pm. way to go.) and all i can do is take notes on how much i hate this place for my next blog entry. Super positive, I know. Then I start thinking about how much I would hate to work there. Would I have to buy a bunch of TJ Maxx suits? Maybe some cardigans for the chilly A/C? How would I decorate my office, the grasscloth wallpaper will not do. Would I start smoking again just to get out of the office for smokers break? The people I saw walking in didn't look so bad to hang out with.

Ok, back to reality. The receptionist is yapping on a personal call for all to hear. The fake palm tree (obviously native to Kansas) is jammed into a shiny gold pot and rustling in the breeze of the A/C. The landline phone next to me for 'candidate' use is called Executone phone and looks like something used in Mr. Mom when Terry what's her name goes back to work. The oak wall clock (one that would serve CL proud on graduation day) boasts brass hands that are ticking away the minutes that I could be on Facebook or at the gym. I was gently coached last time that I should not wear jeans to the office. First of all, they were more like denim pants and they were fine. And not to be rude, but I looked a hell of a lot better than the lady in the cat sweater vest in my group. So today I wore black skinny jeans and heels like the rebellious teenager that I am. Humph.

It's a good thing that the 'Career Coach' came out when she did. If she would have waited any longer, I would have had several more feet to fall off of the very high horse I rode in on. She took me to her office and point blank asked me how I wanted to market myself. In 30 seconds. You know, the elevator speech. Go.........

I mumbled some crap about marketing and branding and managing and.....it was bad. Clearly, I need a little help. I wasn't expecting to be put on the spot like that, but I guess I better get used to it. I tried to make a joke out of it by saying I was rusty....this chick didn't even crack a smile. And why would she. I am a total jackass. I need to put a little more thought and effort into this whole thing. The only person that is going to sell myself is me. And if they are going to help me sell myself....I need to first convince them. We moved on (thank God) to my resume which looked like a bloody massacre after she took her red pen to it. Holy shit lady. The only thing you didn't change was my name. Even my contact information was 'wrong'. It was really helpful and she forced me to use some big girl words to demand the attention that I need.

She recommended this networking event that is Wednesday night. I have no idea what to expect. Obviously I need to brush up my elevator speech so I don't embarrass myself.

I dragged myself into Office Depot and bought some business cards for Wednesday (I also bought a package of Peanut M&Ms that I scummed down in the car on the way home. Dang, I forgot how good those are). I am going to spend the next day reconstructing my murdered resume and selling myself. You will also be happy to know that I will not be wearing jeans to the networking event. I hope they have a place to tie up my horse outside. Maybe like a hitchin' post.