Ponyboy

Tonight was the networking event put on by the recruiting agency. All I did today was talk to people and try to get them to talk me out of it....but they were all truly looking out for my best interest and told me I should go. During the course of the day I thought of about 37 reasons why I shouldn't go. Probably the worst was: Oh crap, I think the shirt I was going to wear has a pen mark on it. Pathetic, I know.

On the way there, I almost turned around 5 times. I purposefully took side streets instead of the highway so I could make a quick turn around to my safe place if I needed to. Finally, I did make it all the way there. I couldn't find a place to park. I should just leave. But, I circled the lot and parked the car. It was raining and I only had my Royals umbrella. That would be pretty embarrassing to walk in with a Royals umbrella. To make matters worse, it wasn't like a nice Royals umbrella. It was a cheapie one that I got at one of last years games where they give free crap away. I should just go. No, I decided to scamper in rain and all. Then I forgot I had on white pants. Oops, a little wet....I should go home and change. You are already here, just go in. A woman opened the door and asked if I was here for the Networking Party. I just smiled politely. I didn't answer, which means I didn't commit, let's get the hell out of here. Ok, fine...I forged ahead. I entered the sea of pant suits, half empty wine glasses, and no one under 40. Fuck.

I made my way through the crowd to where the name tag table should be. I spotted the table in the farthest corner of the room. Of course it was. Everyone was standing in little groups chatting, laughing, networking. They were all very corporate and professional-ish. I stuck out like a sore thumb. Some angry mid-40ish woman gave me the stink eye. Just run, you idiot. I head to the name tag table, make my approach, pausing only slightly, and bypassed it heading straight for the bathroom. Uh, I can't believe I just did that. I'm like a fat kid at the junior high dance hiding in the bathroom. I'm an Outsider like Ponyboy. I stood in the bathroom listening to the networky chatter and rustle of pantyhose for about 2 minutes. I can't do this. I hate this. It is just gross. I have to leave. Then, I planned my escape. I would slip out the bathroom, take the long way around, and run out the front door. I took several deep breaths and then bolted. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact. Run Ponyboy, Run! I was almost to the door and the same girl that let me in felt the need to open the door and let me out. She gave me a snarky look, but I still got the hell out of there. Eff her. At least I am heading home to put on sweatpants. You are stuck here with these cheeseballs all night. I hauled ass to the car and peeled out of the parking lot.

This is conclusion I have come to: Looking for a job this way sucks. It is not for me. Events like this lack sincerity and authenticity. Most people do not like to be out of their comfort zone. Most people like to surround themselves with like individuals. I don't love either scenario, but I will do it. I just cannot stand to be fake. I didn't want to be there to begin with and when I got there, it was worse than I had imagined. I shouldn't be so judgemental, I am sure there were plenty of nice people there. People my parents age wearing open toed shoes with pantyhose. It's just not for me.