Old Lady Melvin

Ugh.  I need to get back into the blogging game.  It has been way too long since my last post.  I am feeling particularly nostalgic this week at the approach of my 30 32 34 ok dammit 36th birthday.  I know I said this last year, which was about my most recent post, but I am still waiting to feel my age.  I just had the most fantastic girls trip to Vegas which included things that will not be posted, but lets just say there is no way that any of us can be approaching 36.

While I don't feel 36, my actions this year may speak otherwise. I have developed many old person habits this year. You know how I love a good list, so here we go.

1.  I have developed a passion for canning.  I make a mighty fine pickle and lots of them.  Green beans, onions, indian spiced carrots....I've pickled them all this year.  I seriously canned so much this summer it was like my grandma during the depression.  Except I have a refrigerator that isn't in a cellar.  And a Whole Foods really near  by. And there isn't a bunch of dirt blowing around outside.  Am I confusing historical events?  Anyway, I do love to pickle and will gladly a send you a can so you may judge for yourself.  Keep in mind though that I think they are really good, so I don't really care too much for your opinion.  : )

2.  I love making pies.  Again, old person.  I am so inspired by my grandmas pie making ability and her pies will rock your face off.  I have seriously never had one better and she does it with such ease. And try as I might with all my attempts this year, none were as good as hers.  Although, I did make a great peach one with Colorado peaches a few weeks ago when my husband replied "Damn" after the first bite.  *Pat of the back*
A few weeks ago, Thea and I got to make a pie with my grandma.  Something I hadn't done since I was little and I wanted her to experience it.  As I had designed this in my mind, it would be very special and I'd take some great pictures to document so we could reflect someday.  We were having a great time until Thea rolled the rolling pin twice and announced, "I am done and I want to go watch tv".  Great.  And of course I let her.  So much for that moment.....and my parenting skills.  Alas, my grandma did teach me a thing or 10 and even better it was just great to spend time with her.

3. I bought a Family Circle magazine.  I am not sure I should even elaborate on this.  It was an impulse buy at the register.  They had this nice cover with all this fall decor and the promise of some fall recipes inside.  Fail.  On top of that, my husband looked at me with an "are you serious" tone which prompted me to not even finish it and bury it deep under Dwell to hide my shame.  I will say it was a terrible read.  Once again, old person.  Hey, at least it wasn't Readers Digest.

4.  I get really annoyed at my neighbors.  Not all of them, just my next door neighbor.  I actually went out and measured his grass this year (because for the record it was 11 inches tall).  I monitor his coming and goings and give a tsk tsk in my head when he comes home too late.  I've left notes when his trash sits out too long.  We seem to know all of the details of his life whether we want to or not.  This is what old people do.

5.  The New Adventures of Old Christine.  I'm sorry, but I love this show.  I think what's worse is that I cannot even remotely understand why someone would NOT think this show is funny.  I lay in bed and laugh my ass off.  She is such a wreck.  However, once again, most likely....old person.

The laundry list could probably continue, but believe it or not I have some humility.  As always, I joke about my life because life without jokes is just well, stupid.  I've had such a fabulous year and feel so thankful for my life that each year is better than the next.  I am thankful for any day, good or bad that I get to spend on this earth.  Well, it's 8:30pm and past my bedtime.  Time to take my back pill and put on my flannel nightgown while drifting off to my new friend old Christine.  

Hampster in the wheel

I've been trying to learn to meditate off and on for years now. Ok, trying might be over stated. On many occassions I have tried to meditate with little success and given up way too easily. How's that. It is SO freaking hard!! It was one of my private....and by private I mean not listed on my blog for the world to see (oops)....New Year's Resolutions. I have the type of brain that never, ever shuts off. I can wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and my mind will jump to my to do list for the next day. I can change subjects on a dime. I multitask a minimum of 5 things at a time. I don't have the ability to just "BE". I think things would be a lot nicer if I could find a slice of quiet time in my over charged brain. So I am working on it. Even just a few times a week. So far, little success. I guess I get a few seconds of quiet, but it's not enough.

The other day I stumbled upon this Meditation channel on FitTV. It's soothing background pictures with flowers, fish, clouds and crap like that. I tuned in to the field o' flowers and the process went something like this.

"Hmmm, this is soothing. Pretty flowers. I can't wait for spring. I used to always buy fresh flowers for the house. I haven't done that for a long time. I loved that one flower shop on Gregory, it was so cute. Too bad it closed. The owner was so nice. He looked like John Black from Days of our Lives. But with gray hair. I wonder what John Black is doing these days. Not the flower shop John Black, but the real one. Well, not real like a real person...he was just an actor. He loved wearing leather jackets. Hey, I wonder what ever happended to that suede jacket I used to have. I wore that thing like every day from 23-25. It's probably out of style anyway. It reminds me of going to McCoys on Friday nights. Yum, beer sounds good. I wonder if we have any beer? Oh, it's like 7am. That's a little inappropriate. I love when you are on vacation and you can drink at the pool at like 10am. That is fun. Crap, I forgot to call the Y and sign Thea up for swim lessons. I have to do that today. I hope we can still get in. She is going to be wearing floaties until age 10. I am a horrible mother. Yuck, this carpet needs to be vaccumed. Oh well, Daniel is coming tomorrow to clean. Is that scummy to just wait? Nah, I'll make Lulu come in and lick up the crumbs. Wait....what am I supposed to be doing....Oh, not thinking. Right."

As you can see, it went really well. I am pratically Elizabeth Gilbert in India. I totally suck at this. Oh well, try try again. At some point the hampster is going to get a sideache from running in that little wheel of his. Namaste.

Littlest love of my life

Don't tell my husband. Actually, he already knows and feels the same way. I am so obessivley in love with my daughter that it is ridiculous. She is hilarious. She is beautiful. She is smart. She is thoughtful and sweet. Her imagination is endless. She has the biggest personality of any 4 year old I know. And her eyelashes are to die for.

I love spending time with her. She is so fun to shop with and just hang around in general. Even when she is talking incessantly (wonder who she gets that from), she is my love. Although, sometimes we have to play 1-2-3 Hush Puppies - aka The Quiet Game so I don't lose it (thank you lady in the Whole Foods produce area who saw me trying to do 4 things at once and quiet my chattering child without totally losing it and introduced me to this fun version of the quiet game). On the weekends we go up for "mom and deeks" time at the coffee shop up the street. We can sit there for an hour just gabbing and drawing pictures. She loves to help me cook and is actually interested to learn how to. Last night we made homemade dog treats for Lulu. Being that today is Lulu's birthday, her best little friend thought this was appropriate. See, how thoughtful is she? Simply adorable.

So that makes her the littlest love of my life. Maybe I should hang on to this post so I can show her at age 14 when she rolls her eyes at me for asking her to go to the coffee shop.

Resolutions

It's taken me a few days....and it always does, because I need to make sure I get it just right. I think I've compiled my short list for my new years resolutions. Of course eating healthy and working out are on the list but those don't even really count anymore. Those are my 'staples'. These are the things (the short list anyway) of things that I vow to do better this year.

1. Stop using so many paper towels.
Pre-child I don't think that I ever really used an obscene amount of paper towels. But now, it's just XXX rated. I always pride myself on being as green as I can be, but this is one area where I need some desperate improvement. I should buy stock in Bounty. Or be their spokesperson. I'd do it for free, too....if they gave me a lifetime supply of paper towels. That Sunny Anderson bitch has nothing on me. What does Cooking for Real even mean? Whateves. Ok, back to the resolution - to use LESS paper towels. It is really hard with as many spills and messes as kids have and as much as I like to clean....just a dangerous combo. However, a goal is a goal and I vow to kill less trees this year by lowering my purchases of Bounty.

2. Stop yelling at my dog.
Let me start by saying that I love my dog. She was our baby before our real baby. But she is a pest. A little ball of fur that is nothing but a pest. She barks, she pees on things, she has anxiety attacks, she barks some more, she's horrible on a walk, and did I mention that she barks? Yeah, that's because she does. All. Day. Long. So i find myself screaming at her to stop which makes it worse. This dog needs Xanax. Actually, that's a good idea. Maybe I'll get the vet to prescribe some and then just take them myself. Then the barking will just sound like background noise in my foggy little mind. Ok, Lulu, you are #2 on my list. Even thought you are a total freaking pest, I promise to stop yelling at you.

3. Stop using words that aren't really words.
While I find this hilarious (or hilarity), it drives my husband nuts. I think words like Romantical, Hilarity, Ginormous, and Dramatical (that ones my fave-dang that's another one) are fun. Yes, I realize that this makes me sound less intelligent, but I do realize that these are not in the dictionary, lighten up. Or should I say, Chillax.

Even though we are 5 days into the new year, I am going to start today with my dwindled down list. I still have 360 days to make some progress. Although, while typing I just made an executive decision to change #2. I've already yelled at my dog twice while typing. I think I'll add (so much) after the period. That, in itself, is a ginormous sacrifice.

Half way up the hill

When I was 5, I couldn't wait to be 10. The big kids at school always seemed so cool with their lace up shoes and homework from school. When I was 12, 17 seemed like the perfect age. Being 17 was like every junior high school girls dream....driving, dating....alas. Then at 18, of course the next step was waiting to be 21. No real explanation needed here. At 21, I decided that 25 sounded like the perfect age. Your still a young adult, but people would take you much more seriously at the age of 25. After that, I (shockingly) longed to be 30. That seemed like best of both worlds. Still young enough to be considered young and old enough to have respect as an adult and contributing member of society. I had a house, a good job, I pay taxes...that should make me feel like an adult.

I just had my 35th birthday last week. And guess what....I am still waiting to feel grown up. The fact that I am 5 years away from 40 doesn't scare me, I am astonished. The truth is, even though I am a parent, have too many bills, pay too many taxes, and worry about future I still feel like that 25 year old waiting to be 30. Although my life has changed dramatically since 25, I still feel the same. Sure, I've matured and have many more responsibilities and the crows feet that come with it. But inside I still feel like that 25 year old girl waiting to be a grown up. A lot of people put the brakes on their birthday's when they realize that they are headed for the big 4-0. Gee, maybe it has something to do with the fact that all of the party favors include "Over the Hill", buzzards awaiting your death, and gravestones. Who wouldn't be excited to have your partygoers tell you that you have one foot in the grave?

I went through a phase a few years ago where I hated my birthday. And by hated, I mean I requested no gifts and no celebrations. My birthday was not be celebrated and certainly my age was not to be discussed. Something turned back around this year and I am stoked to be 35. The fact that my daughter is old enough to help make a cake for me and write "Happy Birthday Mommy" with icing (with a little help from dad) melts my heart. The heartfelt and sweetly appropriate gift from my hubby is adored. The two celebrations that I get to have with my best friends is more than anyone can ask for. I'm happy and healthier than I've ever been. Being middle aged feels pretty damn good. And it sure doesn't feel like I'm even half way up the hill, let alone over it.

It's been a crazy, chaotic, but fabulous year. Full of lots of love and some life lessons that were tough to learn, but nothing I would go back and change if given the chance. I feel so blessed. I can't wait to see what this year has in store. See you at the top of the hill...I'll race you!

Hi May I Help You? Yes, I'll have the BBQ'd Crow on Bun.

Since I live in Kansas City, it seems only appropriate that I request that the crow I'll be eating is served BBQ'd. I'm not alone. My hubby is going to need an extra side of Gates Sweet and Mild to go with his. Ok, I'll say it. On 1....2....3....

we are moving to Kansas.

Not officially yet. But we are in the process of putting our house on the market (Tuesday) and making an offer on a house in found in Kansas (tomorrow). Which is totally scary. It's in an area that is much more 'west' than we thought we'd ever go. But it is the most perfect house, great location overall, and great schools. The snobbery must be shelved. We love this house. Freaking love it. And I think it's about time that our love for living in KCMO takes a backseat to what's most important for our family. I love living where we have lived for over 7 years it's served it's purpose for our young, selfish, self indulgence former life. There is nothing keeping us here anymore.

KCMO: We can walk to the bars
Reality: really? walking to the bars with a stroller ain't so cool.

KCMO: But now we won't live close to the Plaza
Reality: Haven't been to the Plaza in months. And I avoid it at all costs in the summertime to avoid the white socks and mouthbreathers. I know they bring money into my city, but I find it hard to be nice and find myself yelling "MOVE!!" like the IT guy on the SNL skit. (Was it Nick Burns?)

KCMO: Our neighborhood won't be as eclectic -
Reality: If by eclectic, you mean a serial rapist targeting our neighborhood for 9 months mingling with the common folk, than yes...I guess you are right. A random gunman holed up in your neighbors house 2 blocks away why you host a brunch? Sure, why not. (true story). Want a crackhead at your grocery store? You bet...just head on up to Aldi or CVS after 9pm and ask for Ezel. Most likely he'll be negotiating a slip and fall with the manager for a pack of MnM's and envelopes.

KCMO: The houses are so new in JOCO and aren't unique
Reality: If by unique you mean: no mice, rats, bats, hornets, opossums and raccoons that dump over your neighbors trash every night, crackheads selling shit at your door, sirens 4 times a day, setting the alarm during the day. The house we are wanting to buy doesn't even have an alarm system. Gasp.

KCMO: I don't mind having to pay for private school (spoken prior to actually having a school age child and then realizing what crap this statement is)
Reality: Also, in this fairyland they call Overland Park, they collect your trash for free, lawn clippings you just set by the curb (no need to pay $100 a year), fill your potholes, pay for public schools, have less crime, clean your streets in the wintertime so you can drive on them, catch criminals, don't have the ghetto bird flying over at night, have a mayor that doesn't look like Lurch from the Adams Family but doesn't answer the door, don't have to pay 1% of your total earnings to the city just to live there, oh, and pay $1000 less in taxes each year? in the words of frank barone...."what kind of freaking fairyland are you living in?"

While all of these things seem like very obvious reasons we should have hopped the border years ago, we never did. With all of it's flaws, KCMO will have a special place in my heart. We love this house and our neighborhood. But being parents takes priority over living someplace cool. Once we move, we'll invite you all over for a BBQ. With the featured menu being crow, of course.
Frank Barone for Mayor of KCMO.

A little bug went ka-CHOO

Wow. It's been a while. And to be honest, I don't really know what has inspired me to write tonight. I'm glad that when I checked back in I see that I seem to have a following of Chinese people that like to comment. That's not very weird. Thanks for your comments, I think. You could be totally dissing me and I'd never know. I realized a few weeks ago that what started out as therapy for me with this blog ended up in negativity. And a pattern of it. And I don't like it. It's not who I am, but quickly became what this blog meant to me. I guess I've felt like for the last few months that I have nothing bad to say. So don't say it at all right? Seems I have that part all wrong.

I was reminded by good friend and one of shared experiences (heart you SW) that it was the anniversary. Happy anniversary she actually said. I can't believe it's been almost a year since I lost my job. It's funny now how that day that I thought was the end of everything...turns out it was really just the beginning. It's been an eye opening year. The way I look at my career, my family, my marriage, my child, my friends, money, things, people....they've all been affected. I see them all differently in some way now. It reminds me of this Dr. Seuss book that Thea has and loves called "A Little Bug went Ka-Choo". To sum it up if you haven't read it: a tiny bug sneezes and a series of events take place all resulting in a crazy event that turns out for the best. Morale of the story: Even the little things in life can change things and make a big difference.
While sometimes humorous and always sarcastic, most of my writing came from a place that was scared, frustrated, confused, and struggling. I had a really tough year. Losing a job I loved (turns out I just thought I loved it more than I really did), falling into a miserable situation, and just struggling to find the right balance of everything. I am now in such a happy space. It's such a happy space that I haven't wanted to taint it with my self loathing blog.

So I kind of feel like I am back where I started. Scared to hit publish post. Worried that no one will find this interesting anymore. If i am not a miserable teenage girl constantly consumed with thinking everyone is looking at my outfit choice for the day and convinced the whole school saw me trip and it's going to ruin my life....than who am I? Not that girl for sure anymore. I've done a lot of growing up this year and really found who I am. I guess I do have getting laid off, a bunch of B-Teamers, a lot soul searching, great family and friends and last but not least, this blog to thank for that. It really has helped me to move on. And so have you. Anyone that reads this. While it's depressing to look back and see what my state of mind was back then.....it keeps me grounded. And really thankful. Thankful I did have the guts to hit publish post. Thankful that someone besides me liked my rambling nonsense and negativity. Today I feel thankful that that period in my life doesn't define who I am. And for that.....I will continue to write! Hey, I have an audience of Chinese fans that I cannot disappoint.
What seemed like the most terrible experience, turns out that I am thankful for that little bug that went ka-choo almost a year ago. It set in motion of a series of events that while not easy, very defining. Guzunheit, little bug.