Half way up the hill

When I was 5, I couldn't wait to be 10. The big kids at school always seemed so cool with their lace up shoes and homework from school. When I was 12, 17 seemed like the perfect age. Being 17 was like every junior high school girls dream....driving, dating....alas. Then at 18, of course the next step was waiting to be 21. No real explanation needed here. At 21, I decided that 25 sounded like the perfect age. Your still a young adult, but people would take you much more seriously at the age of 25. After that, I (shockingly) longed to be 30. That seemed like best of both worlds. Still young enough to be considered young and old enough to have respect as an adult and contributing member of society. I had a house, a good job, I pay taxes...that should make me feel like an adult.

I just had my 35th birthday last week. And guess what....I am still waiting to feel grown up. The fact that I am 5 years away from 40 doesn't scare me, I am astonished. The truth is, even though I am a parent, have too many bills, pay too many taxes, and worry about future I still feel like that 25 year old waiting to be 30. Although my life has changed dramatically since 25, I still feel the same. Sure, I've matured and have many more responsibilities and the crows feet that come with it. But inside I still feel like that 25 year old girl waiting to be a grown up. A lot of people put the brakes on their birthday's when they realize that they are headed for the big 4-0. Gee, maybe it has something to do with the fact that all of the party favors include "Over the Hill", buzzards awaiting your death, and gravestones. Who wouldn't be excited to have your partygoers tell you that you have one foot in the grave?

I went through a phase a few years ago where I hated my birthday. And by hated, I mean I requested no gifts and no celebrations. My birthday was not be celebrated and certainly my age was not to be discussed. Something turned back around this year and I am stoked to be 35. The fact that my daughter is old enough to help make a cake for me and write "Happy Birthday Mommy" with icing (with a little help from dad) melts my heart. The heartfelt and sweetly appropriate gift from my hubby is adored. The two celebrations that I get to have with my best friends is more than anyone can ask for. I'm happy and healthier than I've ever been. Being middle aged feels pretty damn good. And it sure doesn't feel like I'm even half way up the hill, let alone over it.

It's been a crazy, chaotic, but fabulous year. Full of lots of love and some life lessons that were tough to learn, but nothing I would go back and change if given the chance. I feel so blessed. I can't wait to see what this year has in store. See you at the top of the hill...I'll race you!