Hi May I Help You? Yes, I'll have the BBQ'd Crow on Bun.

Since I live in Kansas City, it seems only appropriate that I request that the crow I'll be eating is served BBQ'd. I'm not alone. My hubby is going to need an extra side of Gates Sweet and Mild to go with his. Ok, I'll say it. On 1....2....3....

we are moving to Kansas.

Not officially yet. But we are in the process of putting our house on the market (Tuesday) and making an offer on a house in found in Kansas (tomorrow). Which is totally scary. It's in an area that is much more 'west' than we thought we'd ever go. But it is the most perfect house, great location overall, and great schools. The snobbery must be shelved. We love this house. Freaking love it. And I think it's about time that our love for living in KCMO takes a backseat to what's most important for our family. I love living where we have lived for over 7 years it's served it's purpose for our young, selfish, self indulgence former life. There is nothing keeping us here anymore.

KCMO: We can walk to the bars
Reality: really? walking to the bars with a stroller ain't so cool.

KCMO: But now we won't live close to the Plaza
Reality: Haven't been to the Plaza in months. And I avoid it at all costs in the summertime to avoid the white socks and mouthbreathers. I know they bring money into my city, but I find it hard to be nice and find myself yelling "MOVE!!" like the IT guy on the SNL skit. (Was it Nick Burns?)

KCMO: Our neighborhood won't be as eclectic -
Reality: If by eclectic, you mean a serial rapist targeting our neighborhood for 9 months mingling with the common folk, than yes...I guess you are right. A random gunman holed up in your neighbors house 2 blocks away why you host a brunch? Sure, why not. (true story). Want a crackhead at your grocery store? You bet...just head on up to Aldi or CVS after 9pm and ask for Ezel. Most likely he'll be negotiating a slip and fall with the manager for a pack of MnM's and envelopes.

KCMO: The houses are so new in JOCO and aren't unique
Reality: If by unique you mean: no mice, rats, bats, hornets, opossums and raccoons that dump over your neighbors trash every night, crackheads selling shit at your door, sirens 4 times a day, setting the alarm during the day. The house we are wanting to buy doesn't even have an alarm system. Gasp.

KCMO: I don't mind having to pay for private school (spoken prior to actually having a school age child and then realizing what crap this statement is)
Reality: Also, in this fairyland they call Overland Park, they collect your trash for free, lawn clippings you just set by the curb (no need to pay $100 a year), fill your potholes, pay for public schools, have less crime, clean your streets in the wintertime so you can drive on them, catch criminals, don't have the ghetto bird flying over at night, have a mayor that doesn't look like Lurch from the Adams Family but doesn't answer the door, don't have to pay 1% of your total earnings to the city just to live there, oh, and pay $1000 less in taxes each year? in the words of frank barone...."what kind of freaking fairyland are you living in?"

While all of these things seem like very obvious reasons we should have hopped the border years ago, we never did. With all of it's flaws, KCMO will have a special place in my heart. We love this house and our neighborhood. But being parents takes priority over living someplace cool. Once we move, we'll invite you all over for a BBQ. With the featured menu being crow, of course.
Frank Barone for Mayor of KCMO.