A little bug went ka-CHOO

Wow. It's been a while. And to be honest, I don't really know what has inspired me to write tonight. I'm glad that when I checked back in I see that I seem to have a following of Chinese people that like to comment. That's not very weird. Thanks for your comments, I think. You could be totally dissing me and I'd never know. I realized a few weeks ago that what started out as therapy for me with this blog ended up in negativity. And a pattern of it. And I don't like it. It's not who I am, but quickly became what this blog meant to me. I guess I've felt like for the last few months that I have nothing bad to say. So don't say it at all right? Seems I have that part all wrong.

I was reminded by good friend and one of shared experiences (heart you SW) that it was the anniversary. Happy anniversary she actually said. I can't believe it's been almost a year since I lost my job. It's funny now how that day that I thought was the end of everything...turns out it was really just the beginning. It's been an eye opening year. The way I look at my career, my family, my marriage, my child, my friends, money, things, people....they've all been affected. I see them all differently in some way now. It reminds me of this Dr. Seuss book that Thea has and loves called "A Little Bug went Ka-Choo". To sum it up if you haven't read it: a tiny bug sneezes and a series of events take place all resulting in a crazy event that turns out for the best. Morale of the story: Even the little things in life can change things and make a big difference.
While sometimes humorous and always sarcastic, most of my writing came from a place that was scared, frustrated, confused, and struggling. I had a really tough year. Losing a job I loved (turns out I just thought I loved it more than I really did), falling into a miserable situation, and just struggling to find the right balance of everything. I am now in such a happy space. It's such a happy space that I haven't wanted to taint it with my self loathing blog.

So I kind of feel like I am back where I started. Scared to hit publish post. Worried that no one will find this interesting anymore. If i am not a miserable teenage girl constantly consumed with thinking everyone is looking at my outfit choice for the day and convinced the whole school saw me trip and it's going to ruin my life....than who am I? Not that girl for sure anymore. I've done a lot of growing up this year and really found who I am. I guess I do have getting laid off, a bunch of B-Teamers, a lot soul searching, great family and friends and last but not least, this blog to thank for that. It really has helped me to move on. And so have you. Anyone that reads this. While it's depressing to look back and see what my state of mind was back then.....it keeps me grounded. And really thankful. Thankful I did have the guts to hit publish post. Thankful that someone besides me liked my rambling nonsense and negativity. Today I feel thankful that that period in my life doesn't define who I am. And for that.....I will continue to write! Hey, I have an audience of Chinese fans that I cannot disappoint.
What seemed like the most terrible experience, turns out that I am thankful for that little bug that went ka-choo almost a year ago. It set in motion of a series of events that while not easy, very defining. Guzunheit, little bug.