Hampster in the wheel

I've been trying to learn to meditate off and on for years now. Ok, trying might be over stated. On many occassions I have tried to meditate with little success and given up way too easily. How's that. It is SO freaking hard!! It was one of my private....and by private I mean not listed on my blog for the world to see (oops)....New Year's Resolutions. I have the type of brain that never, ever shuts off. I can wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and my mind will jump to my to do list for the next day. I can change subjects on a dime. I multitask a minimum of 5 things at a time. I don't have the ability to just "BE". I think things would be a lot nicer if I could find a slice of quiet time in my over charged brain. So I am working on it. Even just a few times a week. So far, little success. I guess I get a few seconds of quiet, but it's not enough.

The other day I stumbled upon this Meditation channel on FitTV. It's soothing background pictures with flowers, fish, clouds and crap like that. I tuned in to the field o' flowers and the process went something like this.

"Hmmm, this is soothing. Pretty flowers. I can't wait for spring. I used to always buy fresh flowers for the house. I haven't done that for a long time. I loved that one flower shop on Gregory, it was so cute. Too bad it closed. The owner was so nice. He looked like John Black from Days of our Lives. But with gray hair. I wonder what John Black is doing these days. Not the flower shop John Black, but the real one. Well, not real like a real person...he was just an actor. He loved wearing leather jackets. Hey, I wonder what ever happended to that suede jacket I used to have. I wore that thing like every day from 23-25. It's probably out of style anyway. It reminds me of going to McCoys on Friday nights. Yum, beer sounds good. I wonder if we have any beer? Oh, it's like 7am. That's a little inappropriate. I love when you are on vacation and you can drink at the pool at like 10am. That is fun. Crap, I forgot to call the Y and sign Thea up for swim lessons. I have to do that today. I hope we can still get in. She is going to be wearing floaties until age 10. I am a horrible mother. Yuck, this carpet needs to be vaccumed. Oh well, Daniel is coming tomorrow to clean. Is that scummy to just wait? Nah, I'll make Lulu come in and lick up the crumbs. Wait....what am I supposed to be doing....Oh, not thinking. Right."

As you can see, it went really well. I am pratically Elizabeth Gilbert in India. I totally suck at this. Oh well, try try again. At some point the hampster is going to get a sideache from running in that little wheel of his. Namaste.