I went back to bed. All day.
I was up for a few hours online, on the phone, to eat breakfast. I meant to only take a little rest from my exhausting schedule to watch my friends in Salem. I sucombed to an afternoon of sloth as I laid in bed and caught up on all of the daytime crap. And when I mean I laid in bed, I mean in my pj's and not even to get up for lunch. Loserville, population 1. I was so sucked into the tube that I actually found myself interested in what was going on. I was rooting for these people. I was taking notes. I actually shed a tear. Usually I just have the tv on for noise and occasionally glance over. For those of you not fortunate enough to have the lifestyle of a sloth, let me catch you up to date.
I started with Days of our Lives which was incredibly exciting yesterday. Nicole's secret is about to exposed.....she switched babies with Sammi. Raef was hiding in the bushes in the park (which is totally normal) just as Brady and Nicole were about to spill the secret when the sands of the hours glass ran out. "NO!" I protested. You know what is going to happen. Just as the secret is about be revealed, Raef will sneeze or rustle the bushes and they will spot him. Damn.
Next came the People's Court. Which I was first upset because usually The Doctors are on. Oh well, I went with it. What else did I have to do. Judge Marilyn Millon (however you spell it) was in rare form. There was a stupid couple that had broken up and the girl was suing the guy. It turns out that they broke up (according to them) because the girl is a spoiled brat and doesn't work (he says) and the guy is an alcoholic club rat that stays out all night (she says). They were a match made in heaven. She got mad and threw a pair of jeans on his lawn and he punched her rear view mirror off of her car. First of all, ouch. You might need some anger management. The judge was not impressed as they were both idiots, but the lessor of the idiots (girl) won in the end. When they were being interviewed at the end, they both said they still loved each other and they might get back together. "You are IDIOTS", I screamed at the tv. THIS right here, is what is why we have a divorce rate of 50%. The only thing you have in common is that you are both losers. Please, I beg of you, stay in New Jersey.
Next up, The Doctors. This show is kind of lame. But yesterday it was kind of good. They had 100 questions about your health and they answered them all in an hour. Ok, who am I kidding. It was pointless and lame but I watched all of it. I will not benefit from knowing that you can get calf implants. Also, how do women not know that they can only get pregnant when ovulating. I am pretty sure I learned this in junior high. I am frightened that 30+ woman was asking the question. And what is up with the creepy Dr. Drew the plastic surgeon guy. He looks like George Hamilton's twin brother with his crispy skin. He is always trying to talk everyone into facelifts and botox. And it is so obvious that he and Dr. Sears do not like each other. It's only a matter of time before they thrown down. I hope I have a front row seat on my couch for that one.
At the 3:00 hour, I decided I should get up and shower. But then came Dr. Oz. Oprah's medical guru now has his own show. Ok, shower can wait. It was pretty interesting and they talked a lot about the H1N1 pig flu. Which I wasn't really scared of anymore until I watched the show. I had nightmares last night about turning into a pig. Which after watching Dr. Oz, I know really isn't what happens. So I did get some education, you see. I actually grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down the list of 5 things that you need to have in your home to protect against the piggies. It sounds like the only way to really prevent is to stay inside your house until next summer, have no human contact (or pigs, hee hee), and wrap the outside of our house from tops to bottom with thick plastic sheeting. Put your mail on hold, your mailman could be a pig. Stock up on groceries now, the baggers could cough on you. Tell your friends and family you'll see them in 2010, they can't be trusted either.
Now, it's 4:00pm and it's the moment I've been waiting for all day. Whitney Houston on Oprah. Part one was yesterday that I watched at the gym. It was good. Really good. I am stuck for another hour. She was dishing some serious dirt on the dirtbag Bobby B. It was some good shit. She was getting ready to sing so I tuned out. Like the gossip whore of American I am, I only really cared about hearing about the bad stuff. It looked like she is fine now, that's all I need to know. I just wanted the dirt. I did shed a little tear for her. Which let me tell you, is hard to muster up from synical chick like me.
Now it's 4:45 and I finally decide that I am a disgusting sloth that needs to shower, eat something, brush my teeth and become a human for what's left of the day. While I felt a little like a loser, it kind of felt good to do nothing. Today, is another story. Although, it's now 11:40 and Days is on in 20 minutes. Dammit.
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